TOXICITY.

Experiencing toxicity in any form is one memory that remains evergreen in both the victim’s and the perpetrator’s mind. The intriguing part of toxic relationships is that toxic people most times don’t realize how toxic they are, I have had my fair share of this kind of relationship and realize that most of the victims don’t realize they are in a toxic relationship until they leave.

Have you had a friend that;

• Always have something negative to say, they are the first to criticize your choices/decisions often.
• Reminds you constantly of how lucky you’re to have them.
• Constantly exerts control on you.
• Always play the victim and makes you feel it’s your fault all the time.
• Reminds you of your weakness or mistakes often.

Well, there is a long list of toxic behaviours which can’t be discussed in this article, with the few cited examples of toxic behaviours, there’s a vivid view of what this feels like. There are so many effects of toxic relationships which could be as grave as committing suicide and self-harm. Toxic relationships have a way of ripping off one’s identity, self-esteem and self-love, you live every second doubting your worth and stripping yourself off value.

It’s worse than slavery for both the toxic person and the victim. The individual who is toxic is enslaved in his/her poison, with the thirst for control over the victims mind and emotion they lose themselves. Condensing an individual is their only source of strength and the only way they feel valuable. So, when they are attacked or corrected for their behaviour, they build a fence and find every way to make you feel less. I know someone who always wants to win an argument and wouldn’t mind to get so petty in the bid to win.

Any toxic individual is as weak as it’s victim, they have loads of insecurities and weaknesses that’s unbelievable. They are only quick to pick at your insecurities first.

Being a victim of toxic relationships doesn’t make you weak, it goes to show how much love and trust you truly have. The ability to listen, apologize and be grateful are great strengths most people overlook, which most times the victims have in excess.

Understanding when to pull out from any relationship no matter what is in for you is a great way to start your journey of self-love, knowing your weaknesses isn’t enough but working on them. I have the ability to forgive easily and therefore very poor at holding a grudge, I most times apologize even when it should be the other way round which could be seen as a weakness by a toxic person. I have learnt to use that strength effectively, apologize when necessary and never seek truce if it’s not mutual. The moment you acknowledge your weakness and make an intentional effort to work on them, you should cut away ties with such persons. It might be difficult with family members or colleagues you see every day but self-discipline will come handy.

Avoid seeking their opinions/suggestions on things that matter, diluting your conversations to only things that don’t affect you emotionally is a great way to start. In situations where you get a face to face criticism, always stand your ground and make sure they realize their opinions aren’t necessary.

If you’re toxic without realizing how you have drained people emotionally, today isn’t too late for you to make that great change. Conscious effort to use the 3 magic words (please,sorry and thank you) and mean them is a great way to start. You don’t have talk or suggest all the time, sometimes all people need is listening ear. You certainly can survive without being so negative and live a normal life without excessive criticism.

In conclusion, toxic relationships are emotionally draining and would never be a tasty tale to tell no matter how subtle. I wish those in toxic relationships to find the strength to leave and realize how strong and amazing they are. I pray for strength and healing for the hearts broken and also a heart filled with love for those who are toxic.

With ❤️